Over the summer, I made the difficult decision to put my mobile fitness business on hold and return to the paid workforce. As with any loss, I cycled through the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. But I was surprised with what happened when I arrived at acceptance. I felt like an incredible weight had been lifted off my shoulders; I felt relief with my decision. A huge relief, actually.
This relief, though, was coupled with an incredible sense of failure. Like, I couldn’t make it as an entrepreneur. That I had failed because my business wasn’t bursting at the seams. That I had failed because I was relieved to be putting it aside.
My job search was then another source of emotional turmoil. I had a wealth of experience, in both breadth and depth. And yet, I wasn’t even getting called for interviews. Well, that’s not exactly true. I did complete phone interviews for a pair of jobs. In one case, I advanced to the next stage: a video interview with my potential new boss. In the other case, I hadn’t impressed them enough to move forward in the process. And in both cases, I was dropped from the candidate pool.
Was it because of my age? I had turned 50 a few months earlier, and wondered if ageism was rearing its ugly head. But deep down, I again felt relief, because I knew I didn’t want to go back into an office full-time. Heck, I even clung to not being available full-time by scheduling a Friday morning class for 12 weeks.
And then I decided that I should relax my job search criteria, open myself to part-time opportunities. I still have a house and family that require care and feeding. Roles that require time and effort, and which I take very seriously.
My frustration mounted when I was even being considered for part-time roles. Was I now over-qualified? I went for a walk to clear my head and figure out what I wanted to do with my life. Heck, I was still joking that I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.
But on that walk, a thought popped into my head: “I just want to write!” It was a bit of an epiphany, and I started reflecting on how much I had accomplished in the past 18 months, since I first decided to write and self-publish a book. Shortly after my first book was published, I was invited onto a Facebook Live broadcast to discuss my book and my journey of self-publication. The interviewer asked me if I had always known I wanted to be a writer.
At the time, I didn’t have a clear answer for her. Since then, though, I’ve thought about it and realized that yes, deep down I always wanted to be a writer. I’m reminded of an elementary school project. I must have been in grade four or five at the time. Each student was required to complete a personal coat of arms. Included in the four quadrants were the past, present and future.
In the future section, I had drawn a book. I can’t recall the title of the book, but the author was clearly me. The by-line was “Mandy Joab, Ph.D.” (That’s my maiden name, in case you’re wondering. And yes, I used to go by Mandy instead of Amanda.)
So I guess the answer to the question, “Have you always wanted to be a writer?” is “Yes!”
And that’s why my website and social media presence evolved from Amanda Sterczyk Fitness to Amanda Sterczyk - Author. It’s my fourth career and it fits really well. Especially since I finally found a part-time job that works for me and my commitments. I’m still a mom with kids at home, so running our household is still near the top of the list. But the other thing that ranks pretty highly now is writing.
The priority this month is my first attempt at fiction. After all, it’s NaNoWriMo, aka National Novel Writing Month. NaNoWriMo is an online community of writers, a virtual support group to encourage you to write the first draft of a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. I’m not officially registered on their website, but I am working towards a daily goal of writing 1,000 to 1,500 words.
A few months ago, I first came up with the idea for a novel. It was after posting an excerpt from my upcoming fourth book, I Can See Your Underwear: My Journey Through the Fitness World. I had several people tell me that I’m a great storyteller and I should consider turning my skills to the world of fiction. An idea for a story started germinating right then and there.
I’ve always had a very active imagination, and I love making up stories in my head. As I researched novel writing, one clear rule emerged: you must engage the reader. If you write a compelling story that keeps the reader engaged, anything is possible. And so, my creative juices began flowing.
I read about plot and character development. I went for lots of solitary walks and daydreamed a lot, because that’s how my brain creates. I started a new file in my writing software (I use Scrivener and I love it), and began creating parts, chapters, sections, and characters.
Last month, I began filling in the sections. And yesterday, the first day of the month, I wrote 1,400 words in the manuscript for Selfried and the Secret. This morning, I’ve produced only 300 words of fiction. But this post will come in at over 1,000 words. And after a walk, I know I’ll have more inspiration to continue on my novel. I’ll hit my 1,400-word target with room to spare. And if I’m on a roll with writing, who knows where I’ll stop today.
I am a writer. I am an author. And I love my new career.
Amanda Sterczyk is an international author, Certified Personal Trainer (ACSM), an Exercise is Medicine Canada (EIMC) Fitness Professional, and a Certified Essentrics® Instructor.